Didnt see that one coming!
by 40watt
Summary: Short summary::: Hermione is reading a love column and is getting annoyed her love life isnt turning out in the same way. Dramione fic yay wooo. T rating just in case in later chapters
1. Death by banana

**Hey so im fairly new at this, so plz tell me what you think  
Pretty slow at the start but need to set the mood, so plz enjoy**

**Disclaimer: clearly i dnt own any of the HP characters...i wish i did, but life has taught me you dont always get what you want**

Hermione read the words carefully, as she did every Monday.  
Before she knew it she had great big tear drops appearing on the page in front of her.  
The way he wrote about love made it sound as though it was the most precious thing in the world, which it was but not many people recognize that anymore, especially a male.

The door to the dormitory opened and Hermione made an effort to try and stuff the paper under her dooner but failed miserably; for it fell to the ground.

"Oh Hermione, not again" Ginny said, joining her on her four post bed.

"I wasn't" Hermione lied.

"So you just happen to be in tears on a Monday with a copy of…." Ginny paused and picked up the fallen paper. "The Vervale times" she continued.

"I hope you know a lot of people read that paper" He said in defense.

"Yeah, people from Vervale. Hermione that's like twenty thousand kilometers away, how do you even get these?" Ginny asked.

"Subscription" Hermione answered sheepishly.

"What owl flies that far?" Ginny asked in mock astonishment.

Hermione shrugged her shoulders, obviously growing tired of discussing the matter.

"Hermione you have to stop doing this. Every Monday it's the same; you read this insane column, cry about how beautiful this pathetic junk is, then cry 'coz my numbskull of a brother cant love you like this, then end up being depressed for a few days and by the time you come around its bloody Monday again!!" Ginny exclaimed, shaking Hermione by the shoulders.

"But Ginny if you just read it-"

"I have! And it's the biggest load of hippogriff shit I have ever heard. Its some dude in whole other continent writing about nonsense so he can make a quick buck, no one actually thinks like this except for old ladies with cats and you!" Ginny stated.

"I can almost hear her heat beat as I look into her trust" Hermione read aloud.

"Look into her trust? What does that even mean, Hermione?" Ginny said snatching the page from her and screwing it up.

Hermione watch the paper fall to the ground.

"Come on, we're going to breakfast" Ginny ordered, pulling Hermione by the wrist.

Hermione half heartedly obliged and followed the red head to the great hall.

Harry and Ron were talking about something to do with divination over breakfast when Hermione and Ginny joined them.

"Today Harry, you will be beaten by a banana" Ron said in a dreamy Trelawney voice.

The group of surrounding Gryffindors laughed as Ron and Harry fought with bananas. She watched in awe as her to friends continued to make complete fools out of their selves. She didn't need this right now so she excused herself from the table and began to walk back to the Gryffindor common room.

The corridors were unusually quite due to the students being in the Great hall so Hermione took the opportunity to do a little venting.

"Stupid Ron and his stupid, unfunny, annoying jokes. Maybe Ginny's right, though I would have noticed by now, right? No Love can happen, love exactly as deep as Sammuels wrote. I am not delusional. I. Am. Not. Delusional!" Hermione told her self as she paced up and down a deserted corridor.

She screamed into her sleeve and let the material muffle the noise. She was fine. She picked up her book bag and continued to the common room.

**Pretty please review, tell me what you think! if you do there shall be cookies and an update!**


	2. Live audience

**Thanks for the support its great to see ppl are reading it but i would really like some reviews to read...hint hint!**

**Disclaimer: no, the HP characters arnt mine in real life...only in my dreams**

* * *

Hermione sat in front of her bubbling cauldron, watching the ingredients mixed together.

"This, class, is the wenttil potion used for creating delusions. Its effects are only minor but should be used only in small dosages as the side effects can be lethal" Snape drowned on as he roamed the classroom.

"Then what's so good about it?" Harry whispered, although the whisper didn't seem to miss Snapes attention.

"The properties of this potion is of such great value mister Potter that I wouldn't expect you to be able to comprehend it, five points from Gryffindor for questioning my class" Snape hissed.

"He didn't really answer my question" Harry said, this time making sure Snape couldn't hear him.

Hermione continued to read from the text book and add ingredients to the cauldron as it instructed.

"Severus, may I have a word with you outside?" Professor McGonagall asked from the door, some twenty minutes since anyone had spoken.

Snape looked around at his students as though weighing up his options.

"I will be just outside the classroom. I expect no funny business" He ordered then joined McGonagall in the corridor.

Almost immediately after the door has slammed shut the class erupted into small conversations but no ones voiced match those of the Slytherins, one in particular.

"Says here that delusions can confuse someone to the point of insanity, interesting. What do you have to say about that Granger? Malfoy snidely asked, the class falling silent as he did.

"Wow, you can read" Hermione replied, unsure as to what he was getting at.

The class' reaction was divided; the Gryffindors sniggered and the Slytherins snarled at her, Hermione how ever went on with her potion that was now turning a violent shade of pink.

"How dare you" he snapped, standing to his feet.

Hermione ignored him and stared hard at her book, pretending to read it.

"Excuse me, I believe I was talking to you" He stated, stalking up behind her.

Hermione felt his hands on her shoulders as he spun her around to face him.

"Oi hands off!" Ron shouted, charging at Malfoy.

Before he was in striking distance Harry had grabbed ahold of him.

"Ron" Hermione yelled.

"No one touches you like that!"" Ron exclaimed, trying to struggle out of Harry's grip.

"So I've heard" Draco said.

"What are you on about Malfoy?" Ron questioned.

The whole class was watching the four like a mini series, Hermione was surprised they didn't have popcorn to stuff into their mouths.

Draco looked from Ron to Hermione with an evil look on his face which, quite frankly, confused the crap out of everybody.

When he spoke he spoke very slowly  
"Oh I'm sorry was I _DELUSIONAL_ to think that things were a little rocky between you two?"

_Oh my goodness, delusional._ Hermione thought frantically to herself, he must have heard her in the hallway.  
Hermione tried to keep her face straight but Draco saw the recognition.

"We're fine, I think it's you who needs help Malfoy" Ron replied, throwing an arm around Hermione.

Unconsciously Hermione pulled away, which sparked whispers around the classroom. She tried to pass it off as a sneeze but it was to late the damage had been done. Ron was staring in shock, Malfoy was laughing like a tool and Harry had joined the audience in staring with their mouths open.

"Hermione?" Ron asked, finally piecing together some words.

"Oh, he wasn't aware? Oh dear I sure hate being the one to break it to him." Malfoy said in mock guilt.

"But lets face the light people, weasel pot here could never satisfy a women" He announced to the class.

The class laughed on cue as though a teleprompter had told them to. Then there was a thud as Malfoy was bowled over, not by Ron however.

"You creep! They were my personal thoughts and you exploited them. You don't even know what you're talking about" Hermione screamed as she straddled him, laying punches into his previously perfect face.

"Get off him" Pansy shrieked

Hermione momentarily stopped and looked up at her ugly pug face.

"You know what pansy? I have- WHOA-" Hermione was caught off guard as Malfoy rolled over so he had her pinned down on the dungeon floor.

"Granger if you wanted sex, all you had to do was ask" He laughed.

He lent down and placed his hand on her waist in the same motion. His cold fingers resting on her protruding hip bone.

"You know even for a mud blood, I thought a dungeon floor would be a bit below your standards" He whispered huskily into her ear.

His hand wandered below the waist band of her skirt but didn't get much further; Hermione had kneed him in the groin. He rolled off her, moaning in pain. She crouched beside him and, this time, whispered in his ear.

"You were a bit _delusional_ to think you could ever pull that crap" and with that she slapped him in the face, grabbed her books and left the class room.

**--Cheers guys**


	3. Bloody Pavarti

**Yeah guys this is a bum chapter not sure what its doing here but it is an update none the less!! yay!!  
Again its so great seeing i have readers but a few more reviews would be sweet.**

Hermione was glad she had ancient runes next. Only a handful of students had elected to take the class, none of which were in the dungeons with her the period before.  
But after 20 minutes of whispers and giggles Hermione had realized you should never doubt the Hogwarts gossip line. Another 10 minutes passed as Hermione tried desperately not to pay attention to the ongoing stares and the persistent murmuring.

"Can I help you?" Hermione asked after being hit by a ball of parchment for the third time.

"Is it true?" They squeaked.

"Is what true?"

"Are you really carrying Draco's child?"

"Excuse me?"

"Are you pregnant?"

"What no, where did you hear that?"

"Well Pavarti told Kate"_- Naturally, it would be pretty close between Pavarti and Lavender for biggest school gossip-_"Then Kate told Jess and Jules then they told Rhonda, she told Francesca then she told Nat who told Angie who, then, told us" They said, pretty happy with them selves.

Who are half these people anyway? And what right did they have making up stupid, ridiculous rumors?

"Well ladies, you can tell all your little friends, that Hermione said it wasn't true?" She snapped, turning back to her paper work.

It wasn't long until the bell went for lunch and every one rushed in various directions for the break.  
Hermione almost bumped into Snape as she joined the rush to get out of the fifth floor corridor.

"Oh sorry professor didn't see you there" Hermione apologized.

"Miss Granger are you aware that in your seventh year classes go for sixty minutes?" He asked, ignoring her previous apology.

"Yes Professor"

"So, why then must you bother me by walking out of my class nine minutes early?"

"Oh I can expla-"

"Please do" He cut her off with mock interest.

Hermione had nothing to say to her teachers out of character sarcasm.

"Well since you can't actually explain, as you assured me you would, you will serve detention tonight at seven, do not be late! Carry on Miss Granger" He ordered.

Hermione nodded as Snape stalked off to, no doubt, go ruin some other poor kids life. By now the staircase traffic had thinned out and the arrangements of the stairs began to change.  
Only a few students had remained on the stairs as it switched directions, Hermione, who had no real destination, stood and waited for the case to take her on a new route. She smiled to herself as she saw a few first years cling to the sides as it slowly rotated and raced off as soon as they got a chance.  
Hermione didn't really need to go to the hospital wing; which is where the stairs had taken her so she blindly turned around to head back up to the Gryffindor common room.

"Oomph"

"Oh my goodness I'm terribly sorry" Hermione said picking herself and her books off the ground and looking up for the first time to see she had ran in to none other then Malfoy.

"Hey, watch it Granger. Wouldn't want to harm my unborn son" He laughed.

"Huh?" she asked puzzled.

"Oh haven't you heard? Apparently you carrying my child" He smirked, placing a hand on her stomach 'to feel the baby kick'.

"Stay away from me el'weirdo " Hermione said walking off, back down the marble stairs.

"Weren't you headed to the hospital wing?" he asked following her down a few stairs.

"No, not particularly. I just-"

"Enjoy the ride?" he finished.

"I know what you're implying!" She yelled back as she ascended another stair case.

"Hey Granger wait, you dropped yo-"

"Not listening" She said and then walked out of earshot.

Hermione had heard so many ridiculous things about her and Draco by the end of sixth period that she was beginning to think maybe they were true. But she knew she was foolish to believe anything especially when they were so absurd. As if it wasn't enough to be accused of that, she still had her detention with Snape tonight to think of and had spent the rest of the day avoiding Ron; she didn't know what she could possibly say to him.  
Seven o'clock came around to quickly for Hermione's liking. What was she supposed to tell Snape when he asked her for the second time why she had bailed on class  
_'well me and your self absorbed, snob of a godson ended up on top of each other on the floor, Not quite sure how it got to the point actually. And then something to do with Pansy, an insult and a groin wound that with hopefully never allow said godson to reproduce is what made me leave'  
_Yeah I'm sure he would love to hear that, I could pull the old 'lady problems' excuse but the thought of discussing her lady problems which a teacher wasn't a nice one, but the thought of discussing it with Snape was a whole other level of un-nice.

So, unprepared and uncertain Hermione walked to the dungeons dreading what could come of this evening.

**Tell me what u's think!**


	4. The first of Many

**So this was written pretty late so please forgive me if you hate it!  
Keep in mind hen Hermione and Draco get close it isnt sposed to be real intimate, okay? its sposed to be light and fun; thats the way i wrote it!**

**Disclaimer: Dnt own anything except the clothes on my back!**

* * *

Hermione hesitated before wrapping on the cold dungeon door.

"Enter" Snape called.

Hermione's stomach was doing back flips as she pushed the heavy door open. Snape was sitting at his desk, scribbling something on a piece of parchment.

"How nice of you to join us. Your three minutes late. " He stated, looking up from his desk.

Three minutes? What is he like the… anal keeper of time- wait _us_?  
It was then Hermione became aware of the third occupant of the room. Her eyes snapped to Malfoy sitting silently on a chair that was pushed up against the wall. She looked from her professor to the blond several times before the silence was broken.

"Mister Malfoy has come clean about events that went on in my classroom and will be serving detention along side of you" He explained.

"He did?" Hermione heard herself ask.

Snape nodded curtly. Then presented them, both with a bucket and sponge.

"Caretaker Filtch has informed me that the first floor bathroom is in need of attention. Don't return until it is spotless." He ordered, holding up a tray where the two were expected to place their wands.

Hermione grabbed her bucket and sponge and made for the bathroom on the first floor, Draco followed in suit.

* * *

The two had been working in silence for the whole time; the entirety of it Hermione had spent it wondering what had made Draco fess up. She scrubbed hard at the porcelain tiles that lined the floor, trying to ignore the noise Malfoy made when he ground his teeth.

"Its not good for you" She finally said, rinsing her sponge in the soapy water.

"What isn't?" He asked.

"Grinding your teeth like that. It could cause serious dental problems" She replied, not looking up from her work.

"Granger, you would have to be the last person I would take dental advice from. I mean, have you seen your teeth?" He retorted

"Excuse me, my father happens to be one of the most highly respected dentist in London" She said turning to look at him for the fist time since they reached the bathroom.

"You have a wand!" She stated, standing up from the ground.

"Wow Granger, you're only in your seventh year and you've figured out what a wand is. No wonder they call you smart" he spat in sarcasm.

"Malfoy if we get caught using magic, we will get in so much trouble" she argued, her hands rising to her hips.

"We won't if no one finds out" He said nonchalantly continuing to clear muck of the basins.

"We're not going to risk it!" She said marching over to him.

As she neared him the floor reminded her that ceramics and moisture don't make a very good combination. She could hear the splash before she could feel the cold water submerge her horizontal figure. She sat up coughing and splattering. A sickening laugh echoed through the room, bouncing of every possibly surface.

Hermione let out a scream of frustration.

"Hand it over Malfoy" She shrieked, outstretching a hand.

"Not on your life" he sadistically laughed.

Hermione could see that he was enjoying himself. Nothing would make her happier then to hit him right now but decided on the next best thing; she threw her wet sponge at him. Hermione couldn't help but admire her arm as it hit him square in the face. His eyes widened.

"Score" Hermione yelled.

She was so joyous that she barley dodged the oncoming sponge. She got up quickly and poured the remnants of Draco's bucket (which would only be about a glass full) over his sleeked back locks. He had bewitched the basin to shoot water after Hermione as she ran around the room, giggling as she did. She could have actually been having fun had it not been Malfoy who shared the moment with her. She had a feeling he might have been thinking along the same lines as she noticed him smirking uncontrollably.

Hermione had made the mistake of running to close to her opponent: he grabbed her around the waist pulling her in and pouring the second bucket over her head; soaking himself just as much as her. She squealed and laughed as she tried to squirm from his grip. He could mistakably have been tickling her as the two feel to the ground as a result of the drenched bathroom.

He, unintentionally, landed on top her. She was still laughing hysterically as they hit the floor. He sat up on top of her stomach like he had earlier that day and looked over her. Her hair had become loose and now was adorned with soap suds, her cheeks had a pink tinge to them, her hazel orbs were filled with happiness and her lips bore a huge smile, it was like she had forgotten all past encounters. His breathing slowed down as they stared hard into each others eyes, then, against all logic he bent down to kiss her but she merely turned her head and politely rejected him.  
Hermione wasnt stupid she knew in the morning, once they had traveled outside this room of bliss it, would be back to normal again he would hate her and she didn't want something like a little kiss to make things more difficult then they had to be. It was already bad enough He had her pinned down, worse that she did nothing to stop it.

He could feel her stomach tense as her muscles became sore from the ridiculous amount of laughing.

"Geez Granger, I didn't think it was that cold in here" He laughed, falling to the side of her.

Hermione knew straight away what he was talking about and mentally cursed the person who's bright idea it was to have white shirts as the Hogwarts uniform, infact while she was at it she cursed the person who made white shirts all together.

The two laid next to each other staring up at the marble ceiling. They stayed like that for a while, Hermione still chuckling to herself and Draco still breathing hard.

"Your teeth aren't that bad" he said softly after a while.

Hermione smiled at his attempt at a compliment.

"Malfoy"

"Humm?"

She sat up so she could see his face.

"I've got you wand" She smiled holding it above her head.

Of course it was at this moment professor Snape chose to barge in unannounced.

"Miss Granger!" He yelled, accio'ing the wand from her hands.

Draco sat up next to the Gryffindor suddenly conscious of how close they were.

"My office now!" he roared, absolutely beside himself in rage.

They clumsily got up off the ground and marched to the dungeons, Snape in toe.

**so hope u guys liked it...again tell me what u think!**


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